


"It's been awhile, hasn't it Sparkles?"

by erintoknow



Series: Fallen Hero Sidestep AU Fanfics [12]
Category: Fallen Hero Series - Malin Rydén
Genre: Angst, Death, F/F, Hypothetical, Murder, POV Female Character, POV Second Person, Suicidal Thoughts, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, dark timeline, some things you can never make good
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-03
Updated: 2019-09-03
Packaged: 2020-10-06 05:48:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20501918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erintoknow/pseuds/erintoknow
Summary: The hospital grounds are chaos as you push through the crowd. Covered stretches, blaring lights. People crying, screaming. You pull the hood of your sweatshirt down over your head, keep your eyes on the ground. Pull into yourself. Don’t think about the panic, fear, swirling around you. Don’t think about the bruises running up your side.You did this.





	"It's been awhile, hasn't it Sparkles?"

**Author's Note:**

> Hypothetical wherein Julia Ortega never met Ariadne Becker at the diner

The hospital grounds are chaos as you push through the crowd. Covered stretches, blaring lights. People crying, screaming. You pull the hood of your sweatshirt down over your head, keep your eyes on the ground. Pull into yourself. Don’t think about the panic, fear, swirling around you. Don’t think about the bruises running up your side.

You did this.

The memorial hospital is the closest possible ER to the the Museum Gala. If Jane is anywhere in the system, this would be the first stopping point. God. You were so careless. So stupid. Were you _trying_ to get Jane killed? Plant the charges, get out. Don’t linger around. Don’t snoop for clues.

And then you brought the whole building down on everyone.

Couldn’t find your way back to her when you got home. Not good. You still need a face between you and the world. You’re not done with Jane yet. Searching for a nobody with no family, no emergency contacts is going to be a pain in the ass though. As you slide inside, you start digging through the minds of every employee you pass, hoping to get a sense of where they’re putting the mystery patients. There can’t be many. Most of the people at the Gala would have been rich fucks.

Wait. Your heart snags on a name like barbed wire. Julia Ortega is in this hospital. Of…. of course she would be. This is the best hospital in the city. Specifically set up to handle mods and boosts.

You shouldn’t see her.

You _really_ shouldn’t be thinking about this.

You’ve already beaten Charge. What more is there to do?

Fucking hell god damnit shit.

It’s not hard to figure out which room Ortega is in. Her name sticking out in an orderly’s mind like a beacon. Grab and pluck. No one pays you any mind as you invite yourself inside. You’re not here. You’re not real. Just a ghost. Or maybe now the ghost of a ghost. But you have to– you have to see for yourself. Swallow down the pile, drown out the panic around you.

You dim the lights in her room down as you step in. Too bright, too alike with another time, another place you can’t afford the memory of. But there she is. God. Someone’s put her in a hospital gown. Wires and cables running from connection ports to the dollycart of machinery next to her bed. The faint beep of a heart rate monitor your best assurance that she’s still alive, still here.

You haven’t seen Julia Ortega for seven years. Not until today.

Nothing is real. Like you’re outside yourself, watching yourself pull the seat from the corner of the room up to her bed. Watch how you sit down, stare at her prone form, all the little marks, cuts, bruises, the hastily cleaned blood, the trails of the stitches, the cast around her left arm. Watch yourself reach out a hand, flinch back. Why? Why hesitate now? What are you thinking? You have no idea anymore.

You watch yourself reach out again, touch her arm. When Ortega doesn’t stir, you watch your fingers trail down to her wrist, trace the curve of an emitter and then clasp her hand. Bruises under your fingers, you try to be mindful, careful. Haven’t you done enough already?

You don’t belong here.

They made sure of that.

You made sure of that.

You lift up her hand, hold it with both of yours. Watch yourself sit there in something resembling prayer. Shaking.

How long are you like that? Seconds? Minutes? An hour?

There’s a groan from the bed and you jerk your head up as Julia shifts. “Who’s there…?” She turns her head towards you, opens her eyes.

She stares.

You stare back.

You don’t let go.

“Ari…?” Her face creases into a frown, eyes a little too wet. But she keeps staring and you can’t bring yourself to move, to speak. “Oh…” Her voice is low, horse, intercut with pained hitches. “Oh, I really fucked up this time, huh Ari?”

You bite your lip.

“All those people…” Her hand tenses in yours. “I– I–” She winces, squeezes her eyes shut tight. “All these people dead… because I’m still not strong enough, fast enough, good enough… I just… I’m always going to fail, aren’t I?” Tears run down her face, down the bridge of her nose. She opens her eyes again, focuses in on you. You can feel her hand tense under yours. See how her throat tightens. “A-ari…?”

You swallow down a wave of nausea, lick your lips. “H-hi Julia.”

Her eyes widen, and her hand pulls back, yanked out of our grasp. “No. No fucking way.” There’s a pained laugh that turns into a sob. “I’ve finally lost it.”

You leave your hands hanging their in the air. Don’t know what to do with them. How to move. How to operate. Everything’s so hollow, empty.

What was the point of all this? Revenge? You wanted revenge? Against random people on the street? Against Julia Ortega? Is that what you wanted? What were you thinking? All those souls, those seconds of fear. You can’t get it out of your head. Can’t stop hearing them. That final moment, stretched out infinitely too long. How did destroying a dump plaque about Sidestep escalate to this?

How many people are dead now, because of you?

“I– I– I–” You stammer, you have to say something. You have to prove you’re here. You’re real. But how are you supposed to prove something you don’t believe? Be someone that died seven years ago?

“Is that…? No, no, no…” Ortega’s good hand reaches out for you again, past your hands, touches your cheek. “I don’t fucking believe it.”

You can feel the wet on your eyes, pressure under your nose. “It’s– it’s been awhile. H-h-hasn’t it, Sparkles?”

Her hand falls from your face, a silent curse on her lips.

“I’m…” You swallow, your throat painfully tight. “I’m so glad you’re okay.”

“What are… dios mio…” She’s look at you with something approaching wonder and it burns to see it. “You’re… you’re really here. You’re alive?”

You bite your lip, finally let your hands fall to your lap. “I… I don’t know about that.” You admit. “But I’m here. Yeah.”

“How…?”

“I– I… I saw the news, dummy.”

“No– I mean… how long have you been…?”

“Oh.” You want to break eye contact, but you can’t. Like, you’ll stop existing if you stop looking at her look at you. “T-t-two years?” A shudder runs through you, and you have to grip your knees to hold yourself upright. “Oh god. Oh _god_, Julia…”

“Ari…? What happened to you?”

“Julia, they– I mean– _fuck_.” You make a strangled noise, part sob, part scream. “I _can’t_. Not here. I was so afraid and then–” You open your mouth to strangled silence. Too many things trying to be said at once. Too many things you can never say.

Whatever expression is on Ortega’s face you’re beyond being able to read it. Process it. “You… weren’t at the Gala tonight, were you?”

“No!” You respond too quickly. Wince. Bile rising up again. Swallow it down. “I– I– saw the tv– the _news_. I couldn’t… _god_ Julia I’m just so glad you’re still alive.” It takes everything you are to keep you nailed to your self, to not throw yourself on Ortega, cry into her bandaged casts.

“…you have no idea how mutual that feeling is, Ari.” She looks so helpless on that bed. Even awake. Barely in any condition to move. She must be in agony right now, or hopped up to the gills on painkillers. Why did she have to fight you so hard? Why couldn’t she have known to call it quits?

She’s still watching you. Shock and tears and something else. Do you still know her, really? Seven years. Can you really claim to still be able to read her face? “…a lot of people died tonight.” She says, her voice low, slow.

“I– I saw.” You bite your lip. “Do… do they know who did it?”

“Not one of the usual suspects. There’s a new villain.”

“A new villain?”

“A telepath.”

Your heart stops. “What?”

“They were prepared. Ari… they knew everything about us. Took apart the team like we were nothing.”

You… you have to keep composure. Have to not be sick. Hold yourself up. “At.. at least they’re in jail now, right? A… a murder like that… You stopped them, right?”

“They… they got away. But…” Her hand brushes your cheek again. “I’m going to stop them.”

“What?” You pull back from her hand, press your hands to your head. “Are you c-c-crazy? Look– look at you.”

“I have to. I can’t let this go.” Julia winces, groans like she’s just been shot. “Too many people died tonight.”

“I–” You swallow bile. “I know. But… Y-you-you’ll get yourself killed. That– that won’t help!”

“I can’t stand by and let something like this happen, either.” Julia stares straight at you. “Someone like this…. they have to be stopped. No matter the cost.”

You hope she kills you first.


End file.
